Examintation

Having a little more time on my hands these days, I and urged to look at myself in a way that I can't fully understand. I know that it's for my good but looking at the truths are Hard! I understand that I am an emotional person and that I have to decipher and separate my emotions from fact, but becoming aware of them makes a lot of areas in my life clearer.

I see that I posses an array of feelings that I suppress than deal with. One of them is sensuality, my senses become alive and energetic when something (traumatic) happens to me. I get the feeling of wanting acceptance in a physical way more easily than any other time. The touch of another person, the care in conversation, the willingness of someone to listen to me and just let me talk are more critical to my self worth than at any other time.

But even during this examination, something is lurking inside me that the scriptures pointed out to me this morning....

Matthew 9:4 (New International Version)
Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?

My heart does this, my wife has pointed out to me over the past few days that I am expressing critical thoughts about the company that terminated me. And in my mind I'm just kidding but today I see that I am bitter and am entertaining evil thoughts. Going to church yesterday we saw a company truck and my heart got really hard and I wasn't thinking positive things about that company. It brought back the conversation in my mind of how the Lay-off took place and the thoughts that I had about people knowing that this was going to happen to me and not telling me in advance. WOW even writing this I see how my senses are coming alive again.

Pray for me to get rid of these evil thoughts.

~Talk to me~