It's been a rough weekend for me. I have to give a little background for clarity and understanding into what I am talking about. It has been a challenging time in my home, I'd reached the wall, I cursed and been a brute beast to my oldest son. There was a lot of lying and disrespect directed at my wife from him and then toward me. As I tried to talk rationally, and the lies kept coming I began transforming. All this accompanied with little to no prayer about what I'm feeling at that time.
During my last rant on Sunday after a great service, I got so upset at him for not doing his chores but wanting to go play outside with his friends. i asked him several times in a calm manner to do them but each time his body language and attitude (verbally) began launching me again into this beast. My wife did a great job at talking to the Beast and helping me reflect on what I was doing to the family and how as I value relationships, I was DESTROYING the very ones I value the most, my Family! As I looked at myself I saw the Demon (Legion) at the tomb and how puffed up and scary that man was. I also thought of the scripture (after calming down) Proverbs 29:11A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. In that moment, Gods plan started to unravel in my life.
I thought about the Damage I caused and immediately asked God to forgive me and then my family. I apologized to my son and gave him a big hug and we cried on each others shoulder as we began accepting our responsibility for the mistreatment of each other. Then I asked my wife to forgive me and she did as well. Later that evening I was open with our Leadership group up here and got and still receiving a lot of discipling that is giving me understanding and clarity on how I have to go deeper in my bible study and prayers to GOD. I didn't understand all my actions and rants (fits of rage) at the time they were happening but i do see the progression and how it got there, now I'm on a journey to rid myself of the beast within.
It starts with openness, James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
This got rid of my pride and helped me be humble, then I was faced with not getting proud again and receiving the feedback from the group and accepting it! Attentively listening to the love being shown to me was awesome. god has called me out of darkness into his light and when it shines I cant help but to bask in it.
What stands out the most is that i have to search myself and continue to dig out exactly what I'm feeling and not being afraid to talk about those things. I also have to find my way in the scriptures to see the lesson God is trying to teach me at this junction in my life.
Here is today: Isaiah 40: 28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
I need my wings and red bull won't give me them LOL.
~Talk to me~
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